Do People Even Know…

Do people even know that this is an eating disorder?  Do people know what chewing and spitting is?  I am shamefully writing this after just 1 minute ago I spit out a mouthful of 7-8 cookies, my second chew of the day.  Chewing and spitting is absolutely an eating disorder and an addiction.  I had 2 days “clean” days, yup I didn’t chew and spit anything for 2 days, then today I came home for lunch, which is unusual, ate my healthy lunch, then ignored the urge once, ignored the voice in my head twice, third time was the charm and I grabbed the nestle chocolate chips and the box of Oreos. Chewed quite a bit of both and then feverishly brushed my teeth before going back to work as the guilt had me thinking someone would know.

It wasn’t enough guilt though, my family and I just had a nice dinner together, my husband and son are occupied in the other room and I went right back to those Oreos as I cleaned up the dishes.  I feel pretty crappy now, I know I will weigh more tomorrow, I know I just undid my two victorious chew free days, and I’m mad, and I’m sad, and I’m wondering if I will ever truly get my S&!t together and stop this.

It’s not just a gross thing I do once in a while, its not just a bite to keep your weight in check….Chewing and Spitting is a real disorder people…Just wanted you to know.

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