I had ice cream for breakfast, but it turned into an ED win.  I’ve been craving ice cream but resisted…this doesn’t really make sense because last night I had a small chewing session instead of just eating the ice cream that was calling to me through the freezer door.  I’m sitting there chewing my son’s frosted cookies thinking ” you cannot eat that ice cream, it will make you fat”, meanwhile the very disgusting, terrible, insulin spiking habit I was partaking was doing just that, making me fat, telling my body “send out the insulin…store, store store” and somehow although you don’t swallow, you will ALWAYS wake up heavier after a chew.  This has gotten worse over the years for me, I used to be able to get away with one or two cookies without a problem, but it seems these days if I even chew one thing I gain weight.

It was 5:25am, I just walked in from the gym.  I workout 3:45am M-F and I’m still chubby…its true nice physiques are made in the kitchen.  The ice cream was calling me and I said “F-it, I worked out hard, I’ll fit it in my macros”.  It’s settled, I’m going to do this and not have an episode, and I did just that.  I ate the entire pint of ice cream, and it was good, but when I finished, I was finished.  The best part, the “win” was instead of looking for a second pint, or reaching for the next food before my last swallow,  I was actually full, I was actually too full and it made me not want to eat a full pint again.  So yay for me, I indulged without bingeing ( I don’t consider the whole pint a binge, that’s a baby meal compared to my usual spread)…maybe I’m actually getting better at this whole eating thing.